A note on the Internet...

The source of all the world’s knowledge at your very fingertips, the only other thing that comes just as close to doing this are Hodgman’s books. I think that it’s something that we sometimes take for granted -- before the internet we were forced to learn from school and read from books like savages. During the Internet’s inception do you think that it was originally intended for ‘finding out what celebrities you share birthdays with’ and ‘sharing pictures of cats with your friends’. The first concept for the internet, APRANET, was commissioned by the Department of Defense and it was originally intended as a way for computer systems to exchange data between each other over vast distances -- like a network of tunnels of as Hodgman termed it “A Series of Tubes".         

                           

If any of you remember, in my first blog post I talked about how the internet is something that we should trust entirely and while I would like to stand by my original statement I simply cannot. In light of recent events, I come to the harsh reality that the internet is a cold and dark place where the shadiest of people dwell. The things that I was exposed to would leave the burliest of sailors and lumberjacks whimpering in the fetal position. It’s not all fun and cats anymore dear readers, with the creation of Reddit, 4chan, 9gag -- just to name a few -- the internet has now become a forum for the people. Now you may be asking yourself “this doesn't seem like such a bad idea...” and in most cases you may be right, but do you really want to live in a world where someone is telling you that their cat is better than yours. A place where every argument just comes down to some childish cat-measuring contest. 

I say that the internet is dangerous for two reasons (1) because it’s become a disgusting place (2) and because this type of behavior is the classic precursor to a slippery slope. I’m not even going to get into the applications of Rule 34, but it’s out there and we’re all adults...at least in the eyes of the law. It has become the source of slander, deceit, and cats -- it’s like High School but everyone in your class is a faceless bully.  

The internet in it’s current form is only going to grow into a monstrous anthropomorphic blob comprised of tubes, trolls, cat pictures, sex, gambling, and even worse people with opinions. While the internet can also be a valuable source of information, it also has its flaws. Which is why I propose something that Hodgman didn't in his books which are tips for the internet.

Tips for the Internet

1.  Install a heavy duty virus blocker, because you never know when a website or attachment is going to come with a friend. 
1. Note that virus blockers get worse over time, so constantly update them.
2. Wikipedia IS a viable source for information. The reason your teachers say that it isn't, is because they don’t want you fact-checking them.
3. Typing ‘HTTPS’ instead of ‘HTTP’ at the beginning of a URL can be an additional safety precaution against hackers.
4. Hot singles in your area do NOT want to meet you tonight. This is merely a scam to hack your computer or possibly ploy to “meet up” and get your kidneys stolen and put on the black market.
5. Hot single cats in your area DO want to meet you tonight -- I mean what can possibly be unsafe about cats, they just want to be loved and to ‘haz cheezeburgerz’?

*More safety tips to come in later posts

- Always use virus protection, Good Day...

x

A note on confidence...

'The con', 'the grift', ' the scam', ' the italian agreement' they all mean the same thing and they should be something that everyone should be more wary of. The reason I wanted to talk about it was because SOMEONE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO CON YOU – at the turn of every corner, in the depths of the shadiest alley ways, and in the most whimsical of puppy adoption shelters. There is always going to be someone that's gonna want to take you for all you've got,or give you a puppy. So in light of learning more about the art of the Con through Hodgman's book I decided to share with you all one of my experiences with 'the Con'.

After reading about the 'grift', I became under the impression that it required a little finesse. In it's most basic form, the Grift, it's essentially trying to make your 'mark' give you his or her money. So technically, it's not actually stealing because they give you their money. Which is why I'm going to present you with one of my many experiences with 'the Grift' and I'll let you be the judge of what it and what is not the way of the Confidence man.

The gist of the situation is that a coworker and I decided to go to our local coffee shop for an afternoon pick me up. As we were settling our debts to our barista Caesar, I had put down ten dollars to pay for my coffee and my coworker then proceeded to put down seven dollars. What proceeded afterwards was him taking the ten dollars and us going on our way. Did you catch that, because I did immediately although it was quite clever it I could barely call it a 'grift'. Knowing that my coworker could pay for both coffees with the $7 he swiped my $10 and pocketed the extra change.

This is where we got into a little bit of a spat – I extremely was a alarmed. I wasn't surprised that he would take my money, but more the idea that he called it a 'grift'. He just swiped the change from the counter like a common thug, hooligan, and/or rapscallion, and then he had the gall to tell me that I was a victim of the 'grift'? While I'd like to sway you into believing this wasn't just your common everyday hoodwinking. I'll leave it for you to decide. Because I guess this is merely my opinion on the subject matter.

On that note, I now present to you a challenge, because from in my experience it is always better to be the “Conner” than the “Connie”. We're all too familiar with the 3-card Montes, Bar Grifts, Nigerian Princes, etc. So I would like you to go out there and innovate your own 'Short Con' – those are the kinds of 'Cons' that tend to yield a small amount of profit, but require an even smaller time. I wouldn't want you people to get yourselves in too deep without knowing what you were doing. I present you this challenge because just want you guys (and gals) to just get a little taste of the Grift – just the tip of it, just to see what it feels like.

Now I know coming up with a brand new and innovative con like this could be difficult, because the variables and scenarios you'll put yourselves in can be very broad. First, you should always be prepared and you should have the 'Con' ready at all times, even before you find your mark. To give you an idea you should figure out the details of the your 'con'. So to narrow your fields for the details of your 'con' choose a place, something you like and something you hate to the fields of your 'con' – the person will be your mark. You'll use those fields to construct the backgrounds of your 'con' so you'll have a story ready for when you approach you 'mark'. You should also practice your story over and over again to get it down right, because if you can't believe your lie neither will your mark.

Here's a simple example taken randomly and by random I just asked the person closest to me:

Place: Park

Something you like: Bikes

Something you dislike: Rum

The Scenario:

1. You're in a park and you see a simpleton coming towards you on a bike.
2. Put water on your face to make yourself seem worked up and exhausted.
3. You halt them where they ride, and seem like you have just been running.
4. Ask them “Excuse me kind ____”, but did you hear that Rum prices are going WAY UP!!!!” (It's best to say the number of exclamation points to your mark, so they know just how serious you're being)
5. They listen intriguingly “ You see the Dominican Rum Mines have imploded due to human error and now all the rum tastes of rocks”
6. “Go on..” says your mark
7. You respond “Well you see not all liquor stores have gotten wind of this yet, and if we act on it now we can make a ton of money.”
8. Now visibly grateful for this information you present him with a plan “I was sorry to stop you like this but I just had to tell someone because I've decided to comb the city for liquor stores that haven't heard the news yet. The reason I stopped you was because I've run out of money and while I was headed back to my Rum stock on east 48^th and I found another liquor right across the street”
9. Here's where it gets tricky because now you really need to sell it to your mark on this proposition “In exchange for you $20 dollars I'll give you this bottle of rum, which face value is $20 but after the rum prices sky rocket it'll easily be worth $150. I'll use that money to buy $20 dollars worth of rum from the liquor store.” – If you want to sell this more you can create a fake Dominican news clippings of the mine explosions.
10. Now what you should realize is that this is a terrible deal on your part because in hindsight you're basically trading $20 for $20. Now this scenario can fork into several directions
    1. The first result of this is that realizing that it's an even trade, he could give you more money to get more and split the spoils. Seeing that you were willing to give him some rum to get into good graces he'll believe you and would be willing split the profits of his investment. But little did they know that you'll run off with the profits....
    2. You could immediately stop yourself and realize that it's a bad idea and often him a percentage in your current rum take for whatever cash he's willing to give you. You give him a plan where you split up and buy out the neighborhood's rum supply using his money, because you'll cover more ground in the end. Afterwards you tell him to meet up at your rum stash. But little did they know that the rum stash doesn't exist...
    3. Nothing changes and you get the “even” exchange, but little did they know that the Rum is actually a bottle of your mother's homemade Iced Tea...
    4. He refuses your offer, because little did you know that they were a bike cop...

I just presented you with four possible scenarios, where in only three of those cases your plan will go awry. A plan working 75% of the time is pretty good nowadays and I'll take it. It was also extremely easy to plan and create, it's not like you needed a degree in creative writing to come up with something as ingenious as this.

- It's not stealing if they give it to you for free, Good Day.